华章英韵|朱淑真《初秋雨晴》任诚刚英译 ‖第10期

 

　　处暑之后，已入初秋，各位读者，可感受到了早晚的秋凉？初秋雨后又是怎样的感受呢？本期《华章英韵》特邀任诚刚教授执笔主译宋代女诗人朱淑真的《初秋雨晴》。任教授一向追求“以诗译诗、力求‘三美’”，一起欣赏感受美诗美译中那渐浓的秋意。

　　The End of Heat ushers us into the early autumn. Dear Reader, do you feel the cool in the autumn morning and evening? How do you feel afteran early autumn rain? For this issue of Chinese Verse in English Rhyme, it's a great honor for us to invite Prof. Ren Chenggang to translate Early Autumn Rain Making A Fine Day written by Zhu Shuzhen, a poetess of the Song dynasty. Using poetry to translate poetry to strive for the “Three Beauties” is what Prof. Ren has always sought. Just enjoy the growing autumnal tone in the beautiful translation of the beautiful poem.

 

 

 

 

[宋] 朱淑真

 

 

Translated by REN Chenggang

 

After the rain cool breeze can drive the summer heat away,

In my court autumn is signaled by falls of plane tree leaves.

Gone with the dusk floating clouds are wafting along the way,

A new moon hangs as a jade hook above one corner of eaves.

 

 

 

　　《华章英韵》的主持人丁立群和王如利老师诚邀我参加有关“初秋”一期的翻译，我诚惶诚恐，难以推委。然而，又不胜感激，因对我来说这是一次翻译与诗歌鉴赏难得的学习机会，我便欣然接受。

　　大暑之后会迎来秋天, 古人作诗常伴有“春花”“秋月”更不会漏掉“秋雨”。说到“秋雨”人们便会想到李商隐的《夜雨寄北》中的“巴山夜雨涨秋池”；也会想到译原电子杂志前些时候组织过的中国现代诗歌朱湘的《雨景》之翻译。该诗原句有：“……从云气中，不知哪里，飘来了一声清脆的鸟鸣。”今天我选译的这首朱淑真的《初秋雨晴》有“雨后风凉暑气收”，不正是与前面的两首诗从语义和语境来看有着“异曲同工”之效吗？

　　朱淑真的这首七绝第一句写了大气候，赞美雨后清风起，暑气被驱逐走了。第二句写到近景庭院的梧桐树叶子变黄，依依落下，这正是报道了秋天的到来。第三句又描写远处：天上的云彩飘浮撵走了黄昏，说明夜色将临。注意这第三句的“尽逐黄昏去”，交待了时间。最后一句承接第三句的夜色，小楼的屋檐一角上挂上了一弯新月。这新月不是一轮圆月，而是一钩残月。这第四句的“新蟾”是用神话“蟾蜍”来写月亮；而“挂玉钩”正是指玉色的残月。这里的“钩”也生动刻画了残月的形状。此诗的描写作者是用一远一近的交叉方式来叙述的。

　　我译第一句“风凉”用偏正结构说凉风（cool breeze）；第二句的“叶叶”我的理解是梧桐树叶一片片落下。“梧桐”的英文可以有几种—— sycamore，buttonwood，phoenix, 及plane, 考虑到选词的音节数及普遍流行的认可度（不一定是植物学的专业表达），我采用了plane tree来译梧桐树。而这个“报”我不译成report，而是用增词法signaled by falls。这样就道明了“叶落秋至”。第三行的“浮云尽逐”，作者为什么要这样来写，我认为是有两个目的的，一是强调主谓结构，使“黄昏”有了施动者；二是用“浮云逐黄昏”有了“天象”中的时空。用Gone with the dusk表示“黄昏去也”。第四行“新蟾”我用了归化策略来译，直接译成new moon。这样，英语读者容易接受，尽管汉语言中异化的“陌生感”在英语里不见了。还有，“楼角”为什么用one corner of eaves？因为屋檐的角会有两边，而要明确两边中的其一，是指明了方位的。

　　原诗第一、二、和四句押平声欧[ou]韵，第三行不叶，系仄声。我译成英语诗用了交韵abab相押，也符合原诗的描写顺序，即一远一近的交叉形式。英译诗呈十四个音节7音步抑扬格。英语用七音步来译汉语的七绝是比较理想的。简洁自然，具“音”“形”美。如果原诗的“意”也译出来了，那就达到了我一向的追求：以诗译诗、力求“三美”。

　　The hosts of Chinese Verse in English Rhyme DING Liqun and WANG Ruli invite me to participate in the "Early Autumn" topics of ancient Chinese poem translation, I've been in a state of fear, and it is difficult to push away the task. However, I am also very grateful, as this is a rare opportunity for me to learn translation and poetry appreciation, so I gladly accept it.

　　After the great heat it will usher us into autumn. Ancient poetry is often accompanied by Spring Flowers, and Autumn Moon, of course, Autumn Rain will not be missed. Speaking of Autumn Rain, it will remind people of the poem: In Mountain Ba, the pools are brimming with autumn rain, by LI Shangyin in his A Poem to My Home in the North on a Rainy Night; It will also remind readers of ZHU Xiang's modern Chinese poem The Rain Scene, which was organized to do English translation some time ago in the Poem Translation E-magazine. The translation line of the poem reads: "... And out of the clouds, I have no idea / where from is wafting a bird's chirping so clear." Today I have chosen to translate ZHU Shuzhen’s Early Autumn Rain Making A Fine Day, which has the similar effect of “cool autumn rain” on semantics and context of the above two poems.

　　The first sentence of ZHU Shuzhen's seven-character Jueju describes the big surrounding climate, praising the breeze rising after the rain and the heat being driven away. On the second sentence: the leaves of the plane trees in the author's courtyard turn yellow and fall one by one gently to the ground, which is exactly the depiction of the arrival of autumn. On the third sentence: the clouds in the sky would drive away the heat dusk, denoting that the night is coming. Note in the third sentence, "Gone with the Dusk", implying the night time comes. The last sentence is to develop the night scene in the third sentence, and above one corner of eaves on the attic hanging a crescent moon. Here, the crescent moon is not a full moon, but a moon in the wane. In the "new toad" in the fourth sentence, the poet uses the myth "toad" to express the moon; and "hanging as a jade hook" refers to the jade color of the waning moon. The "hook" here also vividly depicts the shape of the waning moon. The narrator of this poem draws the whole picture in a far-and-near crossing way.

　　In translation of the first line“风凉”I take adjective-and-noun structure as “cool breeze”; In the second line “叶叶”I take it as leaves on plane tree fall one by one. There are several words for translation of “梧桐”in English as "sycamore", “buttonwood”, “phoenix”, and “plane”. Considering the number of syllables and the popular recognition (not necessarily the professional expression of botany), I use “plane tree” to translate“梧桐”. For“报” I don't use “report”, instead, the multiplying method is applied as “signaled by falls”. In this way, “leaves fall indicating autumn's arrival”. In the third line, the translation means “the dusk is gone by driving of the floating clouds”. Why does the author write like this? I think there are two purposes. One is to use Subject-Verb structure, making the "dusk" to have an agent; second, let “floating clouds drive away the dusk” signal time-and-space in the heaven. “Gone with the dusk” indicating it's getting dark. The fourth line, "new toad", is translated directly into "new moon". In this way, English readers are easy to accept, although the alienation of "strangeness" in Chinese language has disappeared in English. What else, why“楼角”is taken as “one corner of eaves” ? Because the corners of the eaves suppose to have two sides, and to specify one of them is to specify the orientation.

　　In Chinese the first, second and fourth sentences of the poem the rhyme — [ou] is applied, whereas the third line uses oblique tone without rhyme. I put the Chinese poem into English poem using the rhyme scheme: abab which is crossing type of rhyme, also it is in accordance with the description of the original order, that is, from far to near, a form of the intersection. The English translation of the poem is 7 iambic of 14 syllables in each line. It is ideal for the seven-character Jueju of Chinese poem translated into English by seven-foot in each. It is concise and natural, with beauty in "sound" and "form". If the translation of meaning of the original poem is also well done, it will achieve what I have always sought: using poetry to translate poetry to strive for the "Three Beauties".

 

 

　　任诚刚，云南农业大学外语学院英语教授；云南大学滇池学院客座教授。1989年获美国康克迪亚大学文学学士学位，系美国威斯康辛大学研究生。旅居美国十四年，于1998年海归。从事MTI硕士研究生高级文学翻译及英语专业翻译理论与实践课程教学。系中华（传统）诗词学会会员、云南省翻译工作者协会理事。入选中国当代诗词精品大系：《中华当代绝句精选》（1998）、《中华当代律诗精选》（1999）、及《中华当代词综》（2000）；被收录2000年美国海外艺术家协会《世界名人錄》（新世纪卷）（世界人物出版社.中国国际交流出版社.2000.香港）；《国际文化艺术人才大典》（亚太文化出版社.2000年.香港）。编著书籍：《旅美吟稿》（专著、1999）、《英汉诗歌鉴赏比较与互译》（2013）、译著《汉英对照韵译天安门诗抄一百首》（2016）等。

 

　　Ren Chenggang (1958 -), a professor of English, College of Foreign Languages, Yunnan Agricultural University; Guest professor of Dianchi College, Yunnan University; who is mainly engaged in the teaching of translation theory and practice for MTI students, and is a member of China Poetry Society and a council member of Yunnan Translators Association. After living in the United States for 14 years, he returned to China in 1998, and has taught English in College of Foreign Languages of Yunnan Agricultural University since then.

　　His works include in The Contemporary Chinese Poetry: Jueju (quatrains) (1998), Lvshi (Octet) (1999), and Ci (Lyrics) (2000); Literature achievement includes in “Who's Who in the World” (New Century Vol.); “World Talent Dictionary in Art and Literature” (Asia Pacific Culture Press. 2000. Hong Kong). He is the author of books: Autographic Poetry in America (1999);Comparative Appreciation and Inter-translation of Selected English and Chinese Poems (2013)；Comprehending Great Master — Appreciation of O. Henry's 9 of Hundreds of Short Stories (2015)；and Chinese-English Translation of 100 Poems of Tian An Men (Rhymed Ver. 2016)；Rhyme (2017) etc. And he has published over 50 academic papers.

 

 

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